I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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