I got chris browned last night
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
id be glad to
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
