I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
