he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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