it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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