He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
