There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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