Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
