If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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