No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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