Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
