if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
