I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
