Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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