When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
