she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
