the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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