it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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