Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize