If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
