Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
