i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
