oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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