Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need moral support for this bender
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
