I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
