do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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