Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
