His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
