How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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