Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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