Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
