watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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