I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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