I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
