the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
