She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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