just tell him i said nine months
It's like God shit irony all over that family
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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