I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
