Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
