is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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