I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
