the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
