I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
