I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
