alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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