I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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