you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
