Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
