Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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