3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
