I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
pop tarts are not kleenex
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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