forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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