I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
