is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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