we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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