Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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