There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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