My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
