It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
