shes about as inviting as chlamydia
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
