So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
