had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
