I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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