I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
