I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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