Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
