Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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