This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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